Do you like movies? Obviously that is a rhetorical question, because everyone likes movies and I cannot hear your response because of how computers work. If you don’t like movies, go rent Pokemon: The First Movie, and watch it until Pikachu’s tears bring Ash back to life. Maybe that will melt your heart of stone.
If you do like movies, here are some you’ll definitely have to see in 2015.
Avengers: It’s A Computer Program This Time
Imagine this: you just ate lunch, read a quick listicle, and James Spader wants you dead.
The tension in the plot derives from Robert Downey, Jr.
Will he monopolize every witty comeback and one-liner in the movie? Or will he finally let Hawkeye take the spotlight for even one moment?
Taken 3: The Most Taken
If I had an easy payment of $19.99+ Shipping and Handling for every time someone took something from Liam Neeson, Billy Mays might still be alive today.
Star Wars: #DisneySide
This is a great film for anyone who watched Star Wars and thought to themselves, “This needs more Disney!”
And if you are nervous about Disney executives ruining one of your favorite space-age epics, don’t worry: John Carter did fine.
Channing Tatum is a young, down-on-his-luck exotic dancer with a heart of gold who-
Oh. No, this is a movie about Channing Tatum and several other well toned, muscular men who engage in competition utilizing lots of coordination and core strength. Maybe there’s some type of love interest at some point? Regardless, the main antagonist is still Channing Tatum’s shirt.
Jurassic Park is totally fine now, you guys! Honest! Bring the kids!
Pitch Perfect 2: No, Seriously
Anna Kendrick is back with a vengeance, and possibly still coming to terms with the fact that Jennifer Lawrence replaced her as the go-to-wacky indie hipster manic-pixie dream girl.