An Honest Review of a Time-Honored Tradition

written by: Jimmie Koons

Over 60 students ventured out of their comfortable habitats in order to participate in the annual OKWU Trivia Night held as part of “Eagle Week.”  The event began with the ninth bell and lasted well into the night.  The goal of Trivia Night each year is to coax as many introverted college students as possible into the social center of the OKWU campus life, as well as give the students false hope that they might survive the first semester of the year.  

The night began with a gift of snacks to all interested participants of the game to subtly ensure that everyone would stay for the entire event as unconscious payment for the “kindness” shown to them.  The next item on the itinerary for the night was to explain the expansive rules of Trivia Night in a friendly and non-condescending manner, so as to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings when they inevitably botched the whole system.  Fortunately, the game began in earnest shortly after the announcements and bribery were concluded.

The statutes of OKWU’s Trivia Night have evolved over the years, but the main idea remains the same: answer as many questions correctly as possible, and the winners get a prize.   The trivia employed at the event included the following: “Who’s Missing” (a game for the detectives and reality TV enthusiasts in the room), “Serious Trivia” (a nod to the students who were their teacher’s pet in history class), “Name That Movie” (a challenge designed to separate the bums, who spend their free time memorizing popular films, from the adults, who take their lives too seriously to do well in this category), “Super Serious Trivia” (history and such), “Name That Tune” (the part of the show where everyone comes out to sing silly songs), “Ultra Serious Trivia” (I learned more about history from this game than I ever did on the Discovery Channel), and “Multiple Choice Trivia” (a chance for everyone to feel good about themselves).  

In the end, only three teams won, and one of those was rewarded for the fact that they failed the worst out of the twenty or more teams present (take that Satan!).  The team that ended up winning it all chose to go by the name of “Mill Girls,” while the team which placed second was known as “Squa Sucks.”  These two teams were rewarded for their ability to memorize facts and phrases which were often times (but not always) obsolete and expendable information with a focus on everything having to do with unproductivity and procrastination.