OKWU Students Go Wild on Snow Days: A Satire

Written By: Jonathan Clayton 

            Last year, during the spring 2019 semester, the OKWU community was blessed from the heavens with not just one but two tragic snow days! An article was written about this historic time, but was never seen by the public, mainly because OKWU students are the most interesting people on snow days and there was just too much to cover in one article.  

OKWU got to enjoy the great white stuff of fluff once again on January 6, 2020, and like before, the responsible, studious students of Oklahoma Wesleyan University instantly became the most joyful, exciting university students this side of the Mississippi River!  

After dining on the fine cuisine of Ramen noodles for breakfast because the cafeteria was closed, the Nursing majors reported that they did what they do best every day: study for yet another ridiculously easy test. The extra time to study certainly will soothe their apathy about excelling. The Business students apparently did their usual activities and went to practice on the OKWU baseball, basketball, or soccer team, because they are all studying Sports Marketing and are planning to go pro any moment now! Whatever mundanity gets you through the day, I suppose. The Ministry majors rejoiced to discover they had an extra day to study for the dreaded Dr. Weeter test, and although they spent most of their day crying, I have no doubt that their grades will reflect this studious use of free time. The Interdisciplinary students, of course, said they were too busy signing up for more electives to make their transcript look well-rounded even to notice the atrocity of snow fall happening outside their windows.  

No one knows what Education majors did on their special day off because no one really knows what they do on a normal day anyway. The Music students, annoyed that they would have to track mud and water into the practice rooms, procrastinated just as hard as ever, because rain, snow, or shine, the show must go on…as soon as they cram their mandatory seven practice hours into this one chilly day! The History and Political Science nerds, I mean students, were considered MIA because there just are not enough of them to determine their activities on a snow day. And of course, the Science majors got another day to loaf through a totally simple study guide for an approaching Dr. Quick test, and I am certain they will have no problems at all! 

A small group of incredibly droll and boring students (mostly international students seeing snow for the millionth time), not excitedly committed to their studies like their peers, tried to take advantage of the fluffy fodder and had a few scattered snowball fights. They were even bored enough to build a snowman. Their adventures are so extensive, it would take another snow day to tell all the tales. It is as though a snow day makes the OKWU community go wild with excitement over the chance to do homework, study for tests, and not play in the snow at all. Regardless, the day off was nice and provided the Digital Cinema majors a chance to get some mediocre pictures of campus for a project they hadn’t yet started. Don’t go too crazy, guys. I hope everyone had a totally boring snow day, eagles!