Written by: Blythe Freshwater
Occasionally, something happens on campus that no one can quite explain. Some of these things are serious, like missing OKWU banners or old oysters in the heating ducts. Some of them are funny, like the bananas that appear in poor Blind Bartimaeus’s hands or a faux skeleton being passed from dorm room to dorm room to scare people. The newest campus mystery, however, is the appearance of a plethora of plastic googly eyes.
These googly eyes have been discovered all around campus. They’re on books in the library, thermostats in MSC, podiums in Keating, the male/female signs on some of the bathrooms, and numerous other places. Most of them are subtly located, but once you notice it, you really can’t un-see them. They might even momentarily distract you from a riveting lecture on thermonuclear dynamics by Dr. T or Dr. Weaver’s lecture on the financial prosperity algorithm!
At the very least, these little googly eyes have caused quite a ruckus on campus as people try to figure out “whodunit.” It seems to be a harmless prank, as it makes people laugh and does not do any permanent damage to university or personal property. But the overarching question is, who is the mysterious and mischievous hoodlum? Numerous students of various ages and majors were interviewed on the subject, and their suspicions, theories, and conclusions are below.
Matt Greenwood, junior business major, “doesn’t really know” who did it, but he thinks “it might have been Dr. T. Why, you might ask? Because this type of work is much too sophisticated for a student, and Dr. T is the best, so he’d probably do something like this.”
Kat Walls, junior psychology major, thinks along the same lines. She suggests that it was “Nurse Deb, because she’s always trying to raise everyone’s spirits. And she’s super sweet to everyone, but she also has a fantastic sense of humor. I bet she at least started the trend and other people jumped on board.”
“Nah, it was Dr. Piper,” thinks sophomore ministry major Justin “J-Huff” Huffman. “Since he’s leaving campus because of his retirement next year, he’s establishing his legacy…The best way to do this is, of course, putting googly eyes on all the iconic monuments on campus.”
Most everyone else think it’s a student, however. Regan Terrill, junior pretherapy major, says,
“I suspect it’s McKenna Deck. I heard her and her friend group talking about it the other day, and that’s just the type of person she is. She’s always marching to the beat of her own drum, so I think she would do something awesome like this.”
Trey Brown, sophomore nursing major, disagrees with Regan: “It was Taylor ‘Stick’ Ward. I bet he drives back and forth and puts googly eyes on things because he misses all of us. He should just transfer back here already.” The investigator suspects that this answer was influenced by the presence of Stick at the table where Trey was being interviewed.
Sam Hurley, a junior in ministry, took one look at Stick and Trey laughing about this and said, “No, it was totally Trey, or someone in your friend group, Blythe. You guys are always doing crazy stuff.” While he’s technically not wrong, Trey said, “Yeah, this is something I would definitely do—but it wasn’t me! I just wish I had thought of it!” Not everyone was entirely convinced of Trey’s innocence, especially since he doesn’t have a solid alibi. Still, the culprit’s identity will remain to be seen.
Jodie “Jojo” Martinez wasn’t even totally aware of the googly eyes. She said, “I would totally say that it was Ben Staggs, but he doesn’t go here anymore. Who’s goofy enough to do that? It’s crazy!” Jenna Schutt, senior nursing major agrees and says, “I honestly have no idea who could be doing it. I think it’s hilarious. Ordinarily I’d say someone like Ben [Staggs] but, like, ‘you don’t even go here.’” Jenna did a fantastic Means Girls impression, and Ben neither confirmed or denied these accusations.
Emma Baldwin, junior English major, says, “I’m not sure who it is for sure, but I did sit with someone at lunch today who randomly pulled some googly eyes out of his backpack. It was Andrew Smith, and I don’t know, man. He and David [Romanko] are pretty suspicious together, so I’d say he’s a solid possibility. They both had a lot of sneaky ideas about places to put the googly eyes when we started talking about it. My money is on those two.”
Andrew claimed this as his defense: “I’m a victim! Someone put googly eyes on my TV the other day, and so of course I had to go out and get some more googly eyes in retaliation. But I’m not the one doing it all around campus. I’m never even in Keating, where most of them are.” While his defense isn’t totally watertight, he seemed quite wounded by the accusations.
Chip Cole, sophomore ministry major, says, “It’s either someone in the Gamma quad or someone else… or, wait, the googly eyes that made the eagle outside the caf look like a demonic creature? It was probably Satan. Satan came with his minions and googly eyes and decorated campus. Watch out, glitter’s next.” Chip’s suspicion is as dubious as some of his theology, but his guess is as good as yours. Who do you think is responsible for the appearance of the eyes? Follow the Eagle on social media and discuss it!